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Friday, June 12, 2020

THE RAPIST OR THE PERSON RAPED; I STAND WITH NO ONE

THE RAPIST OR THE PERSON RAPED; I STAND WITH NO ONE
By Boma Bomar

Before you let your emotions run wild seeing that title, prove to me that you have
the balls to go through this whole article and still be left with the same understanding as you do now..

If we are going to be true to ourselves for once, the rare virtue that we have solely accused our government and/ all other persons, anyone but us of not having; if you are going to display that rare virtue here, go through this article and if you are not better educated by it, then you can let your emotions go wild and do what we do best; talk about freedom of speech and still attack those that try to.

THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR!

Rape is recognized worldwide as a crime, means it is punishable by law. Statistics show that women are more at risk of abuses, with rape categorized under such. We often go with the definition that rape is any sexual activity without valid consent. A consent being valid or not valid would be determined by factors like the age of the victim, mental state e.g. was he/she under the influence of any substance?

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF THIS CRIME



We put so much spotlight on the Monsters, as everyone would see them, I mean the rapists of course. Can we for a moment shift our focus and look at the things that really matter. Like what things? Let me open your eyes.

Is any child born with the destiny of being a rapist? I mean like, they were born and given the mandate, “go into the world and rape”? And again, ‘they’ because men get abused too!

So, along the line, do we think about what could have gone wrong? What about, what about the parts parents/ guardians could have played? What
about adults who make selfish decisions in the name of marriage? The decision to stay in an abusive marriage? Some having their kids watch them abused and others having the kids abused themselves... and by abuse, I mean rape as well!

What about parents that leave marriages, remarry, or just get hooked with a member of the opposite or same sex, start cohabiting and expose these kids to same kind of abuse! How often do we make such decisions in favor of our kids, not placing ourselves first, not making just ourselves look like the victims in the sight of an obviously more vulnerable or at risk population, those we swore, verbally or otherwise to care for and protect? How often? Remember, we are still
holding unto that virtue, honesty and we will all through this article. Do not worry, you are not obliged to say those answers out loud!

And just before you sigh, you that has not experienced a divorce or did not get to remarry, how much effort have you put into modelling your kids? Or you have left them your absence and the only option of having some pervert out there model them for you?

Imagine if a survey was carried out hmm… what about? About women that have been raped by their husbands, yes! I can bet that a greater percentage of women, I will say black women especially, would tick yes to the question “have you ever had sex with your husband times you did not want to?”, if accompanied with a confidentiality clause. Or is the definition of rape different in that case? Do I sense
a double standard in your thoughts? HONESTY!

Okay, how many of abuse victims under this umbrella spoke up? How many of these kids have grown up seeing such, and conceived that it was just okay, maybe not completely acceptable but okay to live that way? I mean in clear terms, to
abuse or be abused?I say it again, NO ONE IS INNOCENT OF THIS CRIME, WE HAVE ALL PLAYED A PART. 



Hey! Just before you make up excuses in your head, trying to exempt yourself from this claim let me ask this… I believe everyone reading this has a close relationship with someone of the same or/and opposite gender. I mean the man reading this has a sister or niece or cousin and vice versa. How many of us and how often have we sat these people down, told them how to behave around the
opposite sex, what to say, touch etc. how many of them have we explained in clears terms what harassment, molestation or rape means? It is more than sex education my friend! It is equipping them with information and the right platform
upon which they can use these tools. I mean, it is about having a relationship with your kids, as a parent, guardian, teacher, who so ever! One that places you as the first safe place they come to in whatever capacity you may be serving them. So I
put the question out there again; how many of us and how often have we acted in ways that puts us forward as actual adults that can be given the responsibility of keeping these infants, children, teenagers, adults safe? IT IS MORE THAN 
WRITING HATE SPEECHES AND CALLING OUT PEOPLE because I just called you
out!

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT THE CYCLE HAS TO BE STOPPED


Do we not see the trend here? Do we not see the chain? If you still can not process, let me say it this way… the chain is the abuser who has most likely
experienced abuse at some point in their lives; either have been abused or watched people get quietly abused. I heard some time that silence is consent. No, no double stand on this one, no! The chain is how we will never get our goal if we
keep centering our campaigns on hate speeches and cry for justice, which in your understanding is facing a jail term.

The chain is the fact that for every 100 rapists we get to face ‘justice’, a 100 more are being groomed in our homes, neighborhoods, and society at large. Yes, I said ‘our’ homes, yours, and mine. With this stated, I ask, what is our vision? What are
the goals of our SAY NO TO RAPE campaigns that only call out the rapists and those that only speak to them getting the ‘pain’ they deserve?

Have we considered the fact that most people who abuse have experienced abuse and those who have been abused will also become abusers? That, that, that there is the cycle we must cut! Let us expand our scope. Being myopic will not help us achieve a long-lasting goal. We will not forever be here, and strong to play bodyguard over our vulnerable children. Vulnerable because we have made them so, we have refused to equip them with what can protect them, reduce their risk. Hey! Again, you are being narrow in your thinking! By children, I mean boys and girls… KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT A JAIL TERM IS NOT THE SOLUTION



Why is a jail term not the solution? Again, let me educate you. The prison is not a miracle performing place. Its not a place that automatically changes demons to awesome human beings just by spending 20years in there. In Nigeria, where you have some who has stolen a goat put in the same cell, under the same treatment with those who have killed. What about that? Or you are still not catching the
Rema? I mean, leave politicians out of this LOL, is not your campaign about Justice? Except in very rare cases where death penalties are served, these monsters serve their jail terms, return to our societies, I would say just the same or even worse than when they got in, perpetuating more crimes. I can imagine what they will be thinking in their defense, “what else is there for an ex-convict?”.


A truth we all know, it would just be back to the battles and struggles they left behind; drugs, homelessness, loneliness, endless chases, really, we know the list is endless.

Uhm uhm, what about our victims? The ones that have suffered the abuse, with all the effects, some temporary and more than all, permanent? The physical and mental scars they will have to live with the rest of their lives? I really hope a 20years jail term or even death takes all that away? I think we can provide the same answer to this question. This one time I am sure we are on the same page;
we are making progress!

I STAND FOR FAIR TRIAL; I STAND FOR JUSTICE!

At this point I employ you to be more logical than emotional. I chose the definition in the Merriam-Webster that communicates the point I will be trying to pass across here which explained Justice as “conformity to truth, fact, or reason”.

                             Yes! I stand for fair trial

Professor Annalise Keating has made me know better than believing that a person committed a crime means he/she will be served karma equivalent to the gravity of what he/she has done in a court of law. She has taught me better to know that a judge will never rule based on emotions, sentiments, assumptions, or bias. Now, I mean having a fair trial, not a stand that is sold to corruption, bought by money or any of such. I know better now that a guilty person can go on roaming the streets of our society, with the innocent within the four walls of a prison cell.

Such claims can be based on something you might consider lame, mental instability.
Excuse me, will you lock up an insane person? Worse case scenario, he/she will be taken to a mental health hospital e.g. a remand home for under 18year old’s;

Sure, we know non-adults, so to put, commit terrible crimes too! And I know for must of us, this karma would not be classified as justice, but it is what it is!If you did not know all these, now you do. This would mean that rulings are done based on facts, truths, evidence, whatever that could look like a motive etc. Do you also know what ‘truth’ is defined as in a law court? It is my pleasure to
educate you… Truth is the ability of a lawyer to swing data of any source in his/he favor. Truth is the ability of an attorney to convince the jury that his/her client, the accuser, or simply put the rapist in this case is innocent. I mean a judge will
not rule in the favor of plaintiff, permit me to say a woman, because she is in pain or tears. You think no? Okay, ask Professor Annalise Keating how many abusers, murders she has proven innocent in the court of law who roam freely... I mean a
court in developed worlds. And this would be recorded as A FAIR TRIAL. 



Disappointing I know but it is what it is. Then if we must fight for justice, what I say is we fight with a right standing and this I will further explore in the preceding lines.

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT WOMEN ARE STRONG, EVEN STRONGER THAN WE 
KNOW


Let us express our strengths with decency and sanity. I want to believe thus far; you would have increased the scope of your thinking a little more, so we flow better in the following paragraphs.

Again, I say it… Let us express our strengths in the most dignifying ways possible. Dignifying is the key word here. Do not take it off your mind’s eye as you go through these lines, so you do not lose focus.Of course, I more than agree with you that there are exceptions. I more than agree with you that a rapist is a rapist. Even more that some people are just out to harm regardless, but I will not seize to say, “as women, let us express our
strengths in the most dignifying ways”. Being a woman is your strength, being the ‘weaker vessel’ is your strength, being beautify, appealing to the eyes of a man is your strength. The list is endless!


Then what is not strength? It is anything that puts us forward as vulnerable or irresponsible. Vulnerable is an adult who abuses her license to the use of substances. It is the woman who is found in any corner intoxicated by drug or alcohol overdose/use and raped. Vulnerability or irresponsibility is the woman who comes before a judge seeking for justice and is asked humiliating questions like “why were you dressed that why, what was your motive? What is your relationship with the accused? Why were you found under such circumstances?

So, what are the basis of your claims?” Trust me! Attorneys can be merciless.
Professor Annalise Keating how no boundaries in court. She roars like a hungry, angry, injured lion! Yes, picture that. So, we do not walk away feeling that the justice system is against women. We are more powerful than that!

If we must challenge justice, as I believe we ought, let us check ourselves knowing
that a failed justice system would have nothing on us!

I STAND WITH THE FACT THAT JUST ANY CAMPAIGN IS NOT THE SOLUTION!

These kind of abuses have existed long before I and I doubt we can reduce them to zero prevalence. I could say the same to these kind of "Say No To Rape' campaigns. Since these incidences aren't their firsts and most likely won't be their lasts, especially the fact that they aren't their first, what should this bring to mind, what are the questions to be asked?


Let me ask you a few.. You, I mean you who thus far have seen value in the content of these pages and you who still believes any campaign away from sending these "Monsters" to jail is not good enough, let me ask you these simple
questions!

Whatever your motive might be, what are your goals? What do we honestly have in mind or at heart to achieve with whatever approach we're using? Are all these just vengeance plots and nothing more? Is the long term goal to rip families of their sons, brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, daughters? Is the goal to keep these vulnerable populations from at all having such horrible experience? Is it to tell other women its okay to walk around half naked, its okay to over use
substances; drugs, alcohol, then draw in our own daughters and caution them, tell them about dignity and decency!?

I STAND WITH THE RIGHT CAMPAIGN!


A campaign that is not just about writing
hate speeches and name calling. A campaign that isn't just about the talking but the doing! A campaign that gives everyone a sense of responsibility, a role to play!
A campaign that just not sit around waiting for the child to become an abuser to act!!
I stand with WOMEN
I stand with Justice from a right standing.


Yours truly,
A woman that has had her share of childhood abuse too.

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