How Much No Is Enough(When asking a girl out)?

How Much No Is Enough?

By Ifediogor Uche

As humans we are insatiable! When we get hold of one thing we strive more for another. The truth is that more often than not, once we get  what we have being so desperate to get, the value reduces. However, no amount of what we have now is really enough, whether we like it or not ,there are still holes to fill in . It could be legitimate or as a result of greed, anyways but we often want more than what we have now. We want more money ,we want more investment, more cars,more clothes ,more shoes and even success.

Relating this to marriage or relationship we still want more. That's why a man who is into polygamy will keep marrying more wives even when he has two or three at his feet. In relationship too we want more, we want more than love ,this is where commitment comes to play.

It's really impossible to satisfy that thirst and hunger for more because the way the society has been wired with greed and expectations, culture trully is not satisfied with what we have, even our mind would tell us that we can do better. We are always geared up to wanting more as humans even if it requires us taking the highest risk in life to achieve that course.

Of course, we might not be satisfied because they are new clothes in our wardrobe,new trousers, new houses or new shoes, including gadgets so we keep pushing for more . It's like when a boy ask his father for something ,the father may hesitate or not give him but the child might keep pestering him until maybe he succumb to the child pressure and give it to him or the other hand still maintain his first time "NO".  But the question is what happens when we don't  get more or when we are denied access or when we are told "No" we can't get this.? 

This bring us to the aim of this article as it relates to relationship or a boy chasing a girl for a date/relationship, to know how much "No" is enough for a guy to back off. When is it actually enough to stop chasing the girl you love even after several times of attempt and rejection? Is it enough to stop chasing her as soon as she says no because some guys will keep pushing until it turns to pestering. Is too much enough?

It is true that rejection could be hard to deal with, but that's not the end of the world. As humans and one that blood runs through his/her vein, rejection can be so insidious, depending on how you deal with it . 

Truth of the matter is whatever reason you are being rejected whether knownling or unknowingly should not be the base of your life. It should not define you or shift your focus on how you perceive yourself. You have got to understand that you have to move on. 

People's opinion might not really matter until you make it a big deal to matter. You have to understand that when people or someone rejects you it's there decision,their choice, and it is there life to want what they like or want even if you are not the person.

In the midst of it all, we really have some stereotype to overcome. Often times, we feel this sense of being pushed away with answers to our questions. This could be as a result of the one answering the questions to get some respite or probably in a case of being total blunt to you ,which means he's or her "YES" is yes or his/her "No" is no. One could feel he or she is being pestered, while on the other hand another is feeling being rejected.But, it is said that he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches him, however, the one asking the questions more often than not feels ,when someone says "N0" is just a way of resentment or you should try harder.

There is value in being courageous, determinant, intentional and bold in the pursuit of everyone's  dreams, whether or not it's gonna come easy or will be a herculean task. Of course nothing good comes easy! In the opposite direction there is also fear of rejection in one trying to pitch his interest.

Getting rejected is part of everyday life, each one of us have passed through this at one stage in our life. It's a life experience.. Though it may look embarrassing and hurt But all of these wouldn't stop you from trying or continuing to break grounds.

Rejection is unfavorable.More often than not ,there are negative compliances when it comes to rejection in general, it could play in your head for so long and make you look awkward, it could steal your joy. The severity of it could make you depressed and end up cutting yourself from every other person' could also lead to grave grievance.

When it comes to a guy asking a girl out, The truth is that no matter how you feel when asking a girl out remember she has the right to say "yes or no"

However, Most guys feel probably insulted when they’re rejected by a lady, so they opt for pestering or stalking the lady just to punish her…this is highly disrespectful, the opinion of the female gender should be respected.

Sometimes, I think their ego is also hurt. That is why they find it hard to accept the NO


On the course of writing this article , while making some researches, I bump into some questions in quora about when no is enough.

Answers and people's opinions where given to the question.

1. Some say a girl can say no in an uncertain way and this is where you should break out and try harder , striving for the best because she's is sitting on the fence, uncertain and unsure, probably she needs guidance so as to avoid repeating her past ugly relationship experience. 

2. She can give u a gentle no(Here  the odds  are that she might likely not still stick to her “no” anyway, probably she wants u to persist and get it done.

3. She can give you a firm No( she She ain’t interested at all there is nothing you can do to change her mind, so move on. The odds here are that she will still stick to her “no” anyway, even if u decide to push.

Sometimes trying harder eventually leads to success and sometimes it just leads to inevitable failure.I think in my opinion ,before you could call it a day after she might have said yes in the first place, there is nothing wrong in giving her space for awhile and then go back and  talking to her once more if she's really sure about her "NO"  however if she still maintains it then let it be. Don't push further, especially when all the signs are written all over and you could see it vividly.

Forcing or pushing or ‘trying harder’  would be bad idea and it could mean you not respecting her and her feelings. Moreover, her rejection is not the end of the world.Yes , they're plenty of fish in the sea it is left for you to launch your net onces again with a positive mindset, in the course of this find out where you are lagging, work on yourself, be you and don't let it bring you down .But build your self esteem.Her rejection may even or very well lead you to another lady who will be the one for you & both your hearts are connected together.

Consequently, Here is me thinking , If a girl actually wants to play games and be funny and tell boys "NO" but then expect them to try harder instead of respecting her “NO” then she’s really setting herself up for a long string of heart breaks.

Some scenerio straight persistency is going to work, while in others it might be you flogging a dead horse without you realizing you have gotten to the breaking point for you to freeze out.

Now the questions are; 

1.Is it right to message or try harder for a girl who said she was not interested when you ask her out  proposed to her? 

2. At what point should one disengage or freeze out when she says "No"?

3. To the ladies, do you really necessarily mean the "No" or their is a yes in disguise and a signal telling him to try harder, so you won't feel cheap on getting?

4. Could it be that when a woman says "No " it means no but to men it means "try harder"?

5. If a girl says no should I give up immediately?

6.Do you have to dig deep to get explanation from her while she said "No" is it proper?

7.How about her rejecting you because she still isn’t ready? If yes, then should you  continue pursuing her or wait until she's ready if you can't go after other girls , saying "it must be her"

8.Should you should trust a woman who rejects you by saying "NO". and could it be she probably has a good reason for doing so, and what if she does not.what then settles the score?

9. What is the logic behind women who say "no" but mean "yes" or "try harder" when asked out by men, compared to women who simply say "no" to mean "no"?

10. I have equally heard a girl say My crush asked me out and I said no, but now I really like him and want him to know. What do I do? my question is what now change after asking you out and u said no?

11. How Much No Is Enough?

Your comments and suggestions are welcomed in the comment box

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Lifetrick1 said…
Literally when a girl says no you as a guy shouldn't give up yet. When you love a girl even when she says no you don't just give up. Ladies have some kind of complicated life that is sometime funny.! When she says NO and you give up, she immediately tags you as impatient. Let's take the eagle lifestyle for instance, before the female eagle allows the male to mate with her, she tests the male in different ways to see how patient he is.
Mynaijalite said…
You made a point to an extent! But what happens when you refuse to give up and ,in the long run it becomes you bugging her.You may think you’re applying pressure and at the same time being patient with her till she says yesbut you may just be pissing her off and sometimes the girl may take advantage of your desperation and catch cruise with you.