How to fall in love and stay in love.


How to fall in love and stay in love.

By Ifediogor Uche


Love is such a beautiful thing. It's exciting and sweet. In the beginning, it's exciting .It feels so amazing to know that your love interest  feels the same way. You have mutual feelings and on the same page. The happiness and excitement that ensue a new relationship can be so cool that every moment you want to be in their arms , savour it to the fullest with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Everything, revolves around it. You always want to be ever present, to feel and to Cherish every moment together. When you miss him or her ,you really can't wait to see him/her . Isn't that beautiful?

Sadly, nothing stays new forever, .Things change as couples get to know each other. Sequel to this Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship while others drift apart as time goes on.

We fall in love,we learn in love ,grown in love and Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value.

Consequently, falling In love may be a bit easy but staying in love , remaining there is the hardest part. It is true that the value of a thing drops when you get hold of it. In like manner, more often than not ,after the whole crush feelings, the  chase, and, yes, then capture . As time goes on, the passion fades.

There are lots of reasons people fall out of love

Now the question is how do we fall in love and at the same time stay in love irrespective of the whole challenges, ups and downs that come with relationship?

To explain this in this context, we would be using the love language as a working tool.

READ ALSO: How to ask a girl out and get a yes

What is love language?

Love as we are all aware of, can be defined as a feeling of affection towards someone 

And language can be referred to as a means of communication or expression of one's thought.

So we can say love language is a means of communicating or expressing your feeling of affection towards someone.

The love language can both be expressed and received and there are 5 of them;

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Acts of service

Gifts

Physical touch 

I'll be explaining them briefly

Understanding these different love languages will help us relate better with our partner. It would help us fall in love and at same time stay in love.

Let me throw more light on the 5 love languages

Words of affirmation

This refers to verbal expression of love, appreciation or encouragement to your partner.

(For the purpose of this discussion, I would be using the word *partner* to refer to whomever you are relating with; spouse, friends, family members, colleagues etc)

They frequently express the word 'I love you', 'I appreciate you',  'I value you' to their partner.

They pay attention to details and they acknowledge and praise their partner no matter how little it is. For example- change of hair, clothes, etc.

 Quality time

This love language involves spending time with your partner, just hanging out, listening to you're partner with full attention, giving your undivided attention without distraction from social media, phones, movies etc and creating memories. They prioritize  time spent with their partner.

Acts of service

Involves expressing appreciation and care via actions to make life easier for their partner. They go out of their way to do chores whether big or small for their partner. They pay attention to their partner and know when their partner feels stressed and they willingly step in to help, likened to 'heroic acts' or 'save the day acts'

 Gifts

This involves giving items which is of value to your partner as a symbol of love. It may or may not be of high monetary value. They pay attention to their partners sincere needs and go the extra mile to provide the item for their partner. 

These persons value special events in their partners life such as birthdays, anniversary, etc

 Physical touch

This involves showing physical signs of affection like holding hands, hugs and other more intimate measures of physical intimacy like kissing, cuddling and sex.

These persons are so good with public display of affection, they always want to hold their partners hands, sit right next and close to their partner, playing with their partner's hair, leg, etc

How does this love language work?

I'm sure that as we described the various languages, we were able to discover one or two which we express more than the others.

The language we express is also the language we receive. 

For example, you express words of affirmation, you most likely will expect our partner to keep affirming us with words and when we don't receive that, we tend to feel unloved.

The goal of understanding the various love language is to improve our relationships, such that what you're expressing to your partner as love is being received adequately and vice versa.

Two persons in a relationship can have  different love languages.

For example, you might love words of affirmation but you're partner places a premium on quality time, in a bid for connection, you might be texting all day and all night thinking you are great at expressing love. Meanwhile you're partner is wondering why you're never interested in spending time and end up feeling unloved.

This would be a wasted effort right?

So the understanding of love language goes beyond knowing what they mean but finding out the following things: 

1)How will you naturally and ordinarily want to express your love? That is your love language and that is what you'll most certainly expect from tour partner.

2) What does my partner tend to do to express their love for me which almost all the time we don't pay attention to because it is not the language we understand?

This is most likely you're partners love language.

Now there are 5 love languages. And everyone in one way or the other understands almost all the 5 love languages but the 2 most predominant of the 5 is your basic love language and if you don't receive any of your basic love language, you end up feeling unloved.

Also, we know that our basic love language is the language can easily express. In situations where you're partners love language is totally different, you should be able to make a shift to express more of your partner's love language and very less of your own love language ( because it would be quite difficult to stop expressing your own love language totally)


I hope with these we can fall in love and stay in love

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